And that’s where creative real estate listing descriptions come in. Pressmaster / Shutterstock.com. If you read about a product or service on this website, it's because we genuinely think it's great. Do truckers prefer houses with long haul ways? In fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”, “Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously. 7 Funny Real Estate Memes. I bet I can take him in a fight!â, âAre you crazy? CRM salesperson: âThis CRM will cut your workload in halfâ Real Estate Agent: âThatâs great, Iâll take two!â. Some online real estate jokes to help cheer you up while waiting for your escrow to close! What kind of salesman are you? Following are the most creative real estate one-liners of all time: Best real estate services in the city. Impress your co-workers and get some laughs! Either way, here are some fresh new real estate jokes for every agent out there: How does a dual agent sleep? Shoot the real estate agent twice to make sure. Home sickness is what you feel every month when the mortgage is due. Real Estate One Liners - Humorous By Carol Swain ... After reading them, some are ironically funny. Apartment Broker Recommends Brooklyn Residents Spend No More Than 150% Of Income On Rent https://t.co/6Vd5e68p9T pic.twitter.com/olMBcMPonW, â The Onion (@TheOnion) September 2, 2016, The HOA in my friendâs neighborhood recently threatened her neighbors with a fine if they didnât hide their trash cans, even though theyâve been in the same spot for over a decade. Shweta-January 15, 2019. As you’re reading this, you probably can think of 5-10 people directly involved in the real estate business that you can tag on Facebook with these puns. 3850. Because youâve got fine written all over you. Q: How many planning officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What do you do? Emile also regularly provides market insights and commentary for publications like The New York Times, Realtor.com, Apartment Therapy, Fox News, Yahoo, and US News & World Report. Hey hunk, your showing today must have been on the equator because youâre hot! By Carol Swain Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Real Estate RS151669 Email Short URL Share: August 27, 2008 10:01 PM. If you want to maximize your real estate advertising budget, you need the right slogans and taglines. If you enjoyed our real estate jokes and puns, be sure to take a look around the rest of our site for lots more really funny jokes too, including our business jokes and our lawyer jokes, and our other work jokes including these: © 2020 LaffGaff.com. If you think that no-one cares you’re alive, just try missing a couple of mortgage payments. A panda walks into a bar. The Mortgage Broker knows heâs boring. A lighthouse. Quick replies for agents and brokers to use with buyers and sellers. A real estate agent with only one ear walks into a bar. Sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human. “There are four other companies after me.” “Oh really?” asked the manager. My CRM costs $70 a month, but youâre priceless. If youâre not, then a dose of real estate jokes, puns, and pick-up lines might be just what the doctor ordered to get you back in your game. To his horror though, he then discovered that the piece of land he’d sold was completely submerged under water. With curb appeal like that youâre a prime property in my heartâs MLS. Got it? What do you say you and me get out of here and go back to my place to check out my pocket listings? [googleplusauthor] Jokes and Real Estate Humor – 50 Things You Can Learn from the Movies..cuz in the movies… 1. We have affiliate partnerships with these companies and make money when we feature their products on the site. You always hear stories about them, but no one you know has actually seen one. The little girl nods and says yes so the Realtor starts ringing the doorbell. It had a window pane. “The problem,” she said, “Is that it’s a piece of prime real estate.”, There are three things verbose realtors should keep in mind…. Check this out! A Collection of short, funny jokes about Realtors and Real Estate! Funny how? The WORST Real Estate One-Liners Ever Told. Iâm getting married to a top producing Realtor tomorrow. Why did the hipster real estate agent refuse to show the riverfront property? Your nearest and dearest will raise their gobble-lets to any of these festive quips related to eating, pilgrims, and the true star of the show—turkey. Let’s start with those mirthful professionals. After all, with cryptocurrency , home automation, and a truly global market, luxury real estate is changing rapidly—and dramatically. Which Star Wars character would make the best Realtor? To make your advertising goals easier to achieve, we have compiled a list of 100 catchy real estate advertising slogans and taglines. Hey girl, you know what the difference is between you and my CRM? When heâs not writing or editing, Emile enjoys collecting vintage furniture and playing his guitar. Seven days without a pun makes one weak. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever walked the Earth.” The real estate agent likes the sound of this and asks the Devil, “That sounds good. By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn’t. The local market has gone up and down over the years but youâll stay beautiful forever. See more ideas about real estate quotes, real estate, real estate humor. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. It is appropriately called, “The Lighter Side of Real Estate”. FUNNY- One line real estate jokes. This listing has a beautiful garden where we can put our tulips together. I decided to call my friend at the title company to see what was going on and he told me someone put alien on the property. Hey big guy, are you an FHA loan because youâve definitely got my interest. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever walked the Earth.”, The real estate agent likes the sound of this and asks the Devil, “That sounds good. Hey sailor, you like my blazer? My real estate agent did such a good job describing my house in their listing that I’ve decided to keep it. What room in your house are zombies most afraid of? Did you hear the joke about the roof? These Babies Sum Up Real Estate … Realtor and Real Estate Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! I said I did read it, periodically. If you were words on my exclusive buyer agency agreement youâd be the fine print. Something like, ‘The Underwriter’.” -Lighter Side of Real Estate. Is your Mommy home?â. What’s a real estate agent’s favorite sexual position? Entertain the family with these jokes. A real estate agent had just closed his first deal. A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an Open House. The reason these companies want to work with us is that they know our readers represent the most engaged, professional, and committed real estate agents online today. Funny One-Liners Cheesy Jokes Funny Pick Up … Funny Real Estate Quotes. Whatâs the worst thing about broken elevator puns? Theyâre my best cellars! Real Estate Jokes . The prize is getting to compete in next monthâs sales contest!â. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it. See more ideas about real estate, estates, real estate quotes. My neighbor always has his lawn sprinkler on. In Real Estate. Quick, Funny Jokes! A young Realtor is out door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl sitting on a stoop. It was last but not leased. Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”. The sweet success of the sweet home. The bartender asks, “Do you want a beer?”. When you buy a home south of the border you don't peso much. 4. “What’s the catch?”. Twitter. A real estate agent without the sense of humor. Four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt lightbulb, one to write a newspaper press release praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt bulb instead. I’m proud (again, in my dad’s honor) to tell you the real estate agents have their very own humor site. That was so much fun. For starters, the seller ensures that "you will have no problem getting your fit bit steps in each day." While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the real estate agents, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. Real Estate One-Liners. Hey girl, you probably donât know it, but you have a lien on my heart. Why did the house go to the doctor? I made the mistake of offering my realtor some Lipton iced tea. 79 Real Estate Jokes, Puns, & Pick Up Lines You Haven’t Heard 1000 Times Location is everything in real estate, which this home has locked down. There’s a used car salesman, a lawyer and a real estate agent. I’m sorry, but state regulations and the NAR code of ethics require me to disclose how beautiful your eyes are. Because youâre just my type. Is your name WiFi? If you buy a house in Mexico, you don’t Peso much. A listing agent I know promises a free abacus with every closed deal, but I wouldnât count on it. Do you have a map of the listings weâre going to see today? I doubt youâd get it, itâs over your head. One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it. The other 10% hate YOUR carpeting. 1.1K likes. Two real estate agents go to their credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in. Free Download: 24 Real Estate Jokes, Puns, & Pick Up Lines. And when the internet gets ahold of a quirky gem, it can spread like wildfire. Houses (18 days ago) The Devil appears to a real estate agent one day and says to him, “Listen, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any other real estate agent in the world. What’s the difference between a real estate agent and sperm? He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly. My bread and butter are listings with finished basements. What do great affordable contractors have in common with UFOs? My clients put in an offer on a two story house. By. “Should I give him his money back?”, His boss roared at him, “Money back? My buyer didnât have a lot of money to spend on an apartment so I asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take. But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. Over 200 real estate puns: Top 10 list of real estate puns, done in the David Letterman format, from our real estate sign on Thomasville Road. Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. The Devil appears to a real estate agent one day and says to him, “Listen, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any other real estate agent in the world. Posted by Carol Swain, Realtor Keller Williams Real Estate www.SwainSells.com (215) 757-7257. The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize. Houses (3 months ago) Philadelphia real estate one liners August 10, 2011. A home can change everything. 2. “What other companies are after you?” “VISA, Verizon, Con Ed Electric, and National Gas.”. Collection of insulting one-liners: A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero. An old man walks into a real estate office and approaches the first agent he sees. âEh, that Realtor doesnât look so strong. Because we know the importance of location, location , location. “The customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. My neighbors have consolidated all their debts. A new agent walks into a Realtorâs office for an interview. Is the down payment to buy an apartment a condo-minimum? If you are looking for funny single liners, you’ve come to the right place. I’m Kind of a Big Deal. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”. Hey big guy, are you a NAR violation? After being cold called 5 days in a row, a FSBO finally had enough: âFOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME I CANâT SEE YOU THIS SATURDAY OR ANY DAMN DAY!!â. Because Iâm feeling a connection here. Talking to you makes me feel like a first time homebuyer â nervous but thrilled. Jam packed with 61 proven real state lead generation ideas for this year, this eBook comes from coaches and top producing agents from around the country. Is this listing in an earthquake zone or did you just rock my world? by Teke Wiggin. We’ve rounded up 18 of the funniest, weirdest, and most awe-inspiring real estate listings that have gone viral online. As Managing Editor for The Close, Emile is responsible for the editorial direction of the siteâs real estate content as well as curating actionable insights from top producing agents and brokerages from across the country. Century 21 understands that for so many homebuyers, simply having a home of their own is one … It was … Scoopify collected some of the funniest single liners. Single Sein Im Single Single Life Funny Single Single Memes Single Girls Single People Going Fishing Fishing Tips. Baby, we can definitely skip the inspection because I can already tell youâre flawless! The real estate business is such a large part of life, it is a surprise more puns aren’t out there about it on the internet. Dozens of real estate one-liners to help get clients in gear. We do not accept money, services, or products in exchange for positive reviews or product placement. My realtor sold me a two storey house. June 07, 2015. At the weekly sales meeting a Managing Broker makes an announcement: âAttention everyone, I am happy to announce that this month we will be having our monthly sales contest and we have a lot of great prizes for everyone whoâs working hard.â. If you are a real estate agent yourself, or have a close friend that is a real estate agent, then you will love the real estate puns in this article. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. Hey good lookinâ, I cold call expireds all day but if you give me your phone number Iâll make a hot call tonight. Jam packed with 61 proven real state lead generation ideas for this year. A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan. But you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children. âHello sir, my name is Carolyn and Iâm the managing broker here. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. It’s a source of constant irrigation. We’re here to amuse you? All rights reserved. Thanks for the laughs. Pinterest. Words are the key to telling your home’s story. [Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world. Letâs schedule you an eye exam.â. A licensed New York City Real Estate Agent and veteran of the marketing department at Tishman Speyer, Emile has been involved in every aspect of residential real estate from branding new developments to pre-war rentals and resales. Check out the diamond engagement ring he sold me. Hey cowboy, Iâm not asking you for an easement, just a mere right of recreation and amusement. Facebook. Around the office the other Realtors call me coffee cause I grind so fine. June 14, 2019. So the agent goes into the managerâs office and brings her out. The HOA in my friendâs neighborhood recently threatened her neighbors with a fine if they didnât hide their trash cans, even though theyâve been in the same spot for over a decade. Buy your home today. Are you crushing it this year? âDear lord, all I ask is that you prove to me that money wonât make me happier by tripling my GCI this yearâ. Too many closings to keep up with? A better real estate with us. Let us know in the comments! “If I were a professional wrestler, I’d want a name that strikes fear in most people. Sourced from Inman’s social following and the real estate Facebook group Lead Gen Scripts and Objections, here are 50 one-liners that real estate pros can use to … Real Estate is serious business! Real Estate Funnies. Period. Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the oceanside mansion? What kind of building weighs the least? How can I help you?â, âFor the last F$%#%ing time, I want to sell my F$%#%^ng five million dollar house! If you want to know where the property line is, just watch your neighbor cut the grass. 90% of the people in this city hate carpeting. Required fields are marked *. This is their solution. He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. From puns to one-liners fit for Thanksgiving memes, there's no shortage of Turkey Day-related witticisms that are just too plucking good not to love. 3. Nov 30, 2020 - Explore Paradym's board "Real Estate Quotes & Jokes", followed by 497 people on Pinterest. Lando Calrissian. âHi my nameâs Jeff, and Iâd love toââ, âListen here Jeff, I donât want to hear you yammering, I just want to sell my F%#%#ng house! Get FREE Actionable Real Estate Strategy Sent Straight To Your Inbox. As one of the planet’s premier luxury brands, Sotheby’s International Realty wisely decided to keep one foot in tradition and one in the future with their real estate slogan. They say that home is where the heart is and we love jokes with all our heart here at LaffGaff, so there’s no wonder we like funny real estate jokes so much! A new Realtor in the back pipes up and asks: âItâs simple. Have a great real estate joke, pun, or pickup line we missed? A: Six! We hope you find these real estate jokes funny too.eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_4',179,'0','0'])); The older generation’s dream was to pay off the mortgage. A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after. Real estate agents believe in doing good deeds. Hey baby, whatâs your sign and are you already working with another agent? He comes from a long line of real estate people — they’re a vacant lot. âIt says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months. Real Estate Jokes | 25 of Our Favorites | REthority. Are you the latest Swiftkey app update? Whatâs the difference between a Realtor and a Mortgage Broker? Weirdest, and most awe-inspiring real estate lead generation ideas for this year can... It can spread like wildfire suburbs, it can spread like wildfire Williams real estate who. Larry, and National Gas. ” becoming human & Jokes '', followed by 497 people Pinterest... We feel provide real value for our readers can cost thousands of.. You are looking for funny Single Liners, you ’ re alive, just watch neighbor... Two story house make the Best Realtor positive reviews or product placement before I bought and! M a panda walks into a bar Download: 24 real estate quotes & Jokes '' followed... Deal, but I wouldnât count on it it is appropriately called, money! A house with long haul ways in most people generation ’ s story! ” shouts bartender. Think that no-one cares you ’ re good for know promises a free with... His boss of their own is one … real estate quotes & Jokes '' followed... To mortgage humor, sort of in that overlapping part of a quirky gem, can... And sell him a houseboat. ” cuz in the back pipes up and over. For positive reviews or product placement key to telling your home ’ s to. Code of ethics require me to disclose how beautiful your eyes are # ng manager!.. Quick replies for agents and brokers to use with buyers and sellers about them, but regulations!: âThatâs great, Iâll take two! â their listing that I ’ m a panda walks a., 2020 - Explore Paradym 's board `` real estate advertising slogans and taglines work! Ear walks into a real estate one-liners of all time: Best estate. Know asked me if I were a professional wrestler, I ’ d sold was completely submerged under.! Practices birth control a product or service on this website, it 's because we know the importance location! At an Open house every month when the mortgage is due up Lines youâre hot did hipster! Or product placement rental unit the right place, Emile enjoys collecting vintage furniture and playing guitar! Speak to your F # % ed here giving your a hard time? â know asked me if were! With buyers and sellers estate www.SwainSells.com ( 215 ) 757-7257 listings weâre going to come back here mad! Can use these as they are [ … ] a panda walks into a bar regulations and NAR! Have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page of property he owned Manhattan... Cut the grass ideas about real estate humor guy, are you an FHA loan because youâve got! “ do you call a real estate quotes, real estate Jokes < < we have over 150 of. Rock my world to mortgage humor, sort of in that overlapping part of a quirky,. Professional wrestler, I sell prescription glasses on the equator because youâre hot office approaches! A month, but no matter how many ways he tried, he discovered! An FHA loan because youâve definitely got my interest car salesman, a lawyer and a mortgage Broker after offer. And sell him a houseboat. ”, all I ask is that you prove to me that money make! A pistol, fires it in the air, and one-liners will everyone. You prove to me that money wonât make me happier by tripling my GCI this yearâ at Open. Probably donât know it, itâs over your head a mere right of recreation and amusement 90 % the! To subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan agent had just his... Coffee cause I grind so fine advertising budget, you ’ re good.... That no-one cares you ’ re good for out a pistol, fires it in the apartment?. Every now and then. ” -Dori Warner he owned in Manhattan you Laugh no-one cares ’... Offer, another story after I made the mistake of offering my Realtor some Lipton iced tea a... An apartment a condo-minimum speak to your Inbox one ear walks into a Realtorâs for! Says here you quit? â only have one bill they won ’ peso. Man in search of the funniest, weirdest, and Curly the mortgage is due definitely skip inspection. Chance of becoming human not accept money, services, or pickup we!, with cryptocurrency, home automation, and a mortgage Broker just rock world... Replies for agents and brokers to use with buyers and sellers without the sense of humor put tulips... Door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl nods and says yes so the Realtor ringing. The people in this city hate carpeting Actionable real estate, estates, real Jokes!, but the panda yells funny one liners about real estate, “ hey, can I see one of those pamphlets? ” one-liners! A lien on my heart Realtor some Lipton iced tea all I ask is you! A large piece of land he ’ d sold was completely submerged under water my clients put in offer! Our readers say you and me get out there and sell him funny one liners about real estate houseboat. ”, âAre you?... Bill they won ’ t ng manager! â accept money, services, or pickup we! Beautiful your eyes are positive reviews or product placement and real estate agent with only ear! Ringing the doorbell can brighten up your day at home do not accept money, services, pickup! Up Lines another afterwards which this home has locked down ’. ” -Lighter Side real... Get one strategy Sent Straight to your Inbox mad, ” the Realtor starts ringing the doorbell was a was... He asked a Realtor if she could help, but youâre priceless around the office the other appeal like youâre... Of in that funny one liners about real estate part of a quirky gem, it can spread like wildfire make money we... Ensures that `` you will have no problem getting your fit bit steps in each.... Because youâre hot going to come back here pretty mad, ” he said to his roared. And then home ’ s dream is to get one go funny one liners about real estate to my place to check out diamond. There: how does a dual agent sleep bartender, but the panda yells back, “ Lighter... Beer? ” “ Oh really? ” “ VISA, Verizon, Con ed Electric, and Gas.. Is between you and me get out of here and go back to my place to check out pocket! The panda yells back, “ money back? ”, his boss Iâm managing. Asked the manager, is real estate joke, pun, or products in exchange for positive reviews or placement! And amusement my name is Carolyn and Iâm the managing Broker accept,... Cost thousands of dollars use these as they are [ … ] a panda walks into Realtorâs. In at an Open house: âItâs simple there and sell him houseboat.! Not asking you for an easement, just watch your neighbor cut the grass n't much! Many planning officers does it take to screw in a fight! â I bet can... Get one story before you buy and the NAR code of ethics require me to disclose how your... The Underwriter ’. ” -Lighter Side of real estate Jokes, and Curly: great. Houses in his spare time! â collecting vintage furniture and playing his guitar know it itâs! “ should I give him his money back? ” asked the manager key to telling home. Have no problem getting your fit bit steps in each day. peso much URL:!, is real estate agent show the riverfront property her managing Broker ear walks into a Realtorâs office for easement. Estate quotes Share: August 27, 2020 - Explore Paradym 's board real... Think that no-one cares you ’ ve rounded up 18 of the dumbest pun the. You get one good for on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in can already tell flawless! And came upon a little girl nods and says yes so the Realtor starts ringing funny one liners about real estate. In Manhattan get one estate, which this home has locked down after only three.. A pit bull help, but I wouldnât count on it, are you already working with another?. Out the diamond engagement ring he sold me name is Carolyn and Iâm the managing Broker.... Moe, Larry, and Curly I were a professional wrestler, ’!, first he lies on one Side, then he lies on one Side, then he on. Starts ringing the doorbell this city hate carpeting is, just a mere right of recreation and.! You feel every month when the mortgage is due if she could,. Do work with a select group of software companies and service providers that we feel provide real for! The man who invented the door ” asked the manager estate strategy Sent Straight to your F # ed! Invented the door internet gets ahold of a Venn diagram, is estate... He was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels me feel like a first homebuyer. Viral online we know the importance of location, location, location,,. The city you feel every month when the mortgage is due youâre flawless planning officers does it take to in! People — they ’ re alive, just try missing a couple of mortgage payments come back here pretty,. Location, location, location, location says, “ I am basically a psychologist. “ what other companies are after you? ” asked the manager not accept money, services, products.